Reverse Mentoring or, Learning From Your Youngest

I have a personal mantra, “Leaders are always learners.” Recently I re-read Scot McKnight’s helpful posts on the “Art of Conversation.” (pt1, pt2, pt3) Scot points out one key element to good conversation is an interest in learning. Over the years I have come to believe we may learn from nearly everyone. My friend Spencer Burke has said, “If I am not a little embarrassed about something I said yesterday then I feel as though I have not learned anything today.”

Raising girls must be viewed as something of a deconstructive event for a man knowing only brothers and mostly male cousins growing up. When people wince at the word deconstruction it is often due to the lack of “re-construction” which must inevitably follow.

Our youngest turns 19 today. In fact, we thought of getting her up about 7:20 a.m. this morning to sing to her as it was about that time she was welcomed into the world. Her entrance and these 19 years have been for us a great joy. Along with her sister, I type this for often she does not like sentences that indicate something of a comparison, we parents have learned much in the process of “teaching.” Our learning did not stop at any milestone in her life and we do not see that happening as we hope to learn and teach for the rest of her life.

Now, that does not mean she will not one day set out on her own. It simply means we will always be learning - as will she. For instance, I am hoping to learn from her skill at photography. Spencer, who is a professional photographer, told me Tommie has a natural knack. Watching, talking, listening will contribute to what I learn as I hope to take better photos. (Tommie took this photo during the ice storm in which we lost power. She took this and other shots around her grandparents neighborhood.)

We have been blessed by our girls. Patty notes the difference in me raising girls. I assume she is giving me a compliment!

Happy Birthday Tommie! Enjoy your day. Keep teaching us. Keeping learning from others.

No debating The Great Debaters

Preparing for a wedding ceremony last week gave me cause to consider the differing ways people connect with media. The young couple selected a couple of musical pieces from one of my favorite groups, Coldplay. Wanting to understand the connection I spent time listening, reading lyrics and locating any back story on the two songs. These two young people found the lyrics expressive of the way their relationship brought deep and important meaning to their lives.

Undoubtedly when directors and producers select a movie script they often consider the same issues. We went to a later dinner and a movie with the staff of our church for a post-Christmas get together. Nathan suggested we see “The Great Debaters.” Others may be far better critics than I, but I suggest someone(s) ought to win awards for this one. Set in Marshall, Texas, the story of the debate team from Wiley College is nothing short of gripping.

Stories change lives. The intersection of Henry Lowe, Samantha Booke and James Farmer Jr. stirs us to  understand the way in which our relationships shape our very lives. Maybe this is an obvious assertion. But, in a day where we must constantly wrestle with an overconfident individualism, The Great Debaters does more than make us aware of the subtleties of a glance (like a son to a father or a father to a son). Thrown together on a debate team with an activist teacher makes for a window into just how redemptive relationships may be.

I do not want to spoil your trip to the show or your future rental. Instead, I would hope to encourage you to let the interactions of these students move to the deeper issues they unearth. Issues of power and control. Matters of race and religion. Actions of violence and non-violence. See if you are not taken by the closing argument of young James Farmer Jr.

Movies and songs offer little to debate when they beautifully expose the value of the “other.”

Friday Photo

Not just about Killing … Children and Darfur

A couple of quick errands this morning gave me pause to stop by Starbucks. While waiting on my Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha I perused today’s edition of the New York Times on the stand in the coffee shop. This piece caught my eye as we continue to hope the situation in Darfur gets more international traction and the killing ends sooner than later. Now it seems the consequences of the fighting not only leaves many children orphaned, others displaced in refugee camps but now it appears what aid is reaching children is woefully inadequate as malnutrition is on the rise.

Read - Despite Aid, Malnutrition in Darfur Rises

Merry Christmas!

Hoping you enjoy a the day, the Season and the New Year in the Good News in Jesus.

Proper Confidence

Recent conversations with Scot McKnight and John Franke spurred me to pick up a copy of Proper Confidence by Leslie Newbigin. Both suggested this helpful for the current theological milieu.

Friday Photo … Guest Photos

Tommie took these while we were without power staying with my folks.

Under the knife [UPDATE]

I have some more thoughts to post but will be out for a bit. Minor surgery early this afternoon. Should be back in commission later today. Blessings to you.

Dr. McNeely excised a lipoma in the right center of my neck. A bit sore but doing quite well.

Mourning … Moleskine

A number of years ago I became intrigued by Vincent Van Gogh. Maybe it was a reference in Len Sweet’s Soul Salsa to a painting of the Church at Auvers. Could have been coming across some of Vincent’s letters to his brother Theo. May be it was reading biographical material referencing Van Gogh’s study for the ministry and his work among the poor. What ever it was I have a great interest in Van Gogh.

Reading I came across a reference to a small sketchbook used by Van Gogh - a moleskine. Many keep notes on their computers or PDA’s. I tend to have better recall if I write something down. I picked up some of these little notebooks. I am on my third small, ruled version. I found another size in a Barnes and Noble and picked a few up. It is thinner but larger and has a thicker paper cover. I took this one on my recent trip to Philly.

The thin brown version soon became my favorite. Notes from meetings, personal reflections, notes from bereavement visits and thoughts from my recent Soularize trip fill the pages. Today I began looking for my notebook on the way home. I scavenged the two bags I was carrying. No moleskine. Frantic I looked again. Standing waiting for my plane from Dallas to OKC I called the hotel hopeful it had turned up in the morning rounds of housekeeping. No notebook. I have called again and may hear tomorrow. I called the car rental company and may hear from them. In the meantime, I am preparing myself for the word to come back - “We’re sorry, no notebook.”

Strange what we become attached to. Our thoughts recorded are hard to give away and the thought of losing them is painful. Sure it sounds weird to mourn a book of your own words. Alas, it is true. I am mourning my moleskine.

Listening and relational learning

One of our favorite, and honest, phrases parenting our girls was, “There are two sides to every story.” Occasionally this was construed as either, ‘You don’t believe me,” or, “How come you won’t assume my position.” These interactions came during conversational moments where in relationship with our girls we were attempting to learn together in a way a particular event could be a moment of growth and maturity, even for we parents.

Frustration generally curbed or slowed all of our learning. We so wanted to be understood  that our only gauge for understanding was for the  “other” to “come over to  our side.” Our girls would on occasion feel as though their parents did not listen and we reciprocated with the same feelings.

This kind of impasse is often experienced in any number of relationships. What we must be careful of is asserting the “other” is immovable and thereby exhibits a flawed character. It could be the “other” listened but for a variety of reasons did not assume a posture of holding on to his or her position out of pride and belligerence.  It may well have been the “other” found merit in the “argument” presented and may have even moderated some elements of a position but nonetheless found confidence in the decision made.

Attempts to couch this experience in terms of antagonists limits what we may learn. In other words, it is easy to make ensuing conversations and descriptions part of an “us/them” framework. Doing so runs the risk of exhibiting both a lack of humility and an attempt to control and direct the “other.”

Pastoring often brings such a criticism when it is perceived a person is not “heard.” Listening in this context means the one casting an  accusation is more interested in “getting their way” than working toward understanding that may even result in disagreement but not the dissolution of the relationship.

Over this past several months I listened and learned from a group of students. Our conversations centered on leadership beyond power. The ways in which we exhibit power over the “other” often leads to a decline in powerful leadership after the manner of Jesus as each person is interested in “getting their way.” The subplot of the course found expression in the title, “Beyond Power: Leadership and Gender in a Flattened World.”

Students with differing views and perspectives made for an  interesting, even intense, first couple of days. Over the course of the semester learning from “others” took precedence over positions. This does not mean some fell pray to the proverbial slippery slope of giving up ground only to be come …. you fill in the blank. Instead, what ensued was a final two days together that exhibited just how those who differ can learn and love one another to a place of powerful learning - relational learning.

Creating an atmosphere where this may occur in all  relationships may result not in a particular hegemonic position, but a plurality that allows us to see in ways we otherwise would not. Our own confidences are refined as we embrace the “other.” Since we cannot “fully know” the position of learning from the “other” seems to be a better place from which to move forward in following Jesus and working with others to live what my friend John refers to as, “reconciled lives with God and with others.”

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