Accepting Unacceptable Behavior

Conversations often take unexpected turns; especially when the subject is one’s life story. Predictable left the building long ago. Some things do not change. Listening to parents talk about their children brings few surprises. Our children are grown, at least they think they are. We learned not to be too surprised by anything when they were younger. Growing up meant adjustments and not just on the part of the children in the family. Hearing stories today reminds us of experiences shared not long ago. Despite the lack of surprise when it comes to young people, I am still occasionally taken back by the stories I hear from adults.

A series of recent stories reminded me of an incident Patty and me encountered in Colorado late last summer. We grabbed dinner before we would take in a play. Nearing the end of our meal a young family came into the restaurant. They seemed to be enjoying their meal as we left. Overcast and cool we decided to sit in the car and read as we waited for time to enter the theater. Not long the young mother and her youngest son emerged from the restaurant. The young boy was obviously in trouble. He shouted as his mother. He threw rocks. A number of people walked up and down the sidewalks and witnessed the manner in which this young boy treated his mother. She exercised incredible patience.

An older gentleman had been observing the incident. He may well have been a grandpa. Evidently he endured enough of the public spectacle. He spoke from across the street telling the mother she allowed unacceptable behavior. Many parents prefer not to spank their children. Parents must still decide how to provide discipline and enforce acceptable behavior. Methodologies may well be diverse but at some point a child must learn what is acceptable. Clearly this behavior was not.

Rather than focus on the behavior of the child the connection to these recent stories centered on the one who accepts the unacceptable behavior. Somewhere along the way someone in authority or power likely convinced another their behavior, the one in power, was somehow acceptable. Sadly in the narratives I listened to the behavior that had been accepted left the person accepting treatment less than human. The effects have been devastating.

The bright spot in these stories have been the experience of redemptive relationships. A husband, a friend, another family member, a church committed to cultivating these redemptive relationships alter the narrative; the stories are changing. Slowly but surely unacceptable behavior is shunned in favor of the experience of being fully human.

We who follow Jesus must advocate for redemptive relationships where people are treated as human beings, never less.

Partnerships and Collaboration - Better Public Schools

This evening the first Educators & Clergy Conference sponsored by the Oklahoma Education Association got underway in Norman, OK. The time invested in planning and preparation proved valuable as the evening was both inspiring and challenging. Who could not be excited about getting together with a group of people who share a common dream to invest in students and communities? What’s more, we should discover the realities that churches and schools “can” partner. There is no need for the adversarial role painted by misunderstandings about the “separation of church and state.” The primary challenge will come in overcoming fear by learning appropriate boundaries for a healthy relationship. Educators face the reality of doing more than ever and being blamed for outcomes they really cannot control.

I am excited about the possibilities.

“We Just Go to Church.”

We shared an interesting conversation in Bible Study this morning. Jim Henderson suggests a potential shift in metaphor helps reshape our understanding of disciple-making (a.k.a. “Evangelism”). Often we do not make adjustments based solely as a result of argument. We need an accompanying picture - a new metaphor.

In the course of our discussions Mike told of a conversation where he was describing what we do in our “Wednesdays Are for Others.” One response he got, quite profound, noted, “We just go to church.”

If the Church is a sign and foretaste of the Kingdom of God then there must be more going on than “just going to church.” Yet, too many suffer from the need for a new metaphor. In fact, when Church is a place you go rather than who you are, we miss the people Jesus loves the most, to borrow from Jim Henderson.

It is very easy to talk about “others” as “lost.” Conversations most helpful turn on what Henderson describes as “missing.” Questions abound for us to engage others regarding what may be missing in their lives. It will not happen without relational connection. It is far easier to stand aloof, at a safe distance, and declare what another is. We risk missing those who are missing when we fail to work from a position as fellow human being than from a posture of insider, something smacking of elitism. Nothing reeks worse  than spiritual arrogance.

Despite the tendency toward polarities - either/or - we really need the combination of declaration/announcement and relational engagement. We need the metaphors of both Luke 4 and Luke 19. We mustn’t need to choose between the two.  It really must be more than, “We just go to church.”

Learning from Practitioners

Cold milk. Tepid milk just does not do the job. Warm milk and Oreo cookies offers no real enticement for me. Growing up, and to this day, I like my milk cold. Refrigeration is a great modern amenity.

In college I worked summers as a part of a “Pull and Clean” team for Sears. We would receive a list of jobs each morning. Generally a “technician” had been out to service a window unit air conditioner. During the “cottonwood shedding season” it was not uncommon for the condenser coil to be plugged, often looking matted by the floating “tree lint.” Equipped with a wire brush, cleaning solvent, and a hose, we would clean these air conditioners. Soon they were cooling like new.

Equating refrigeration with milk was easy. Connecting refrigeration with air conditioners took learning a new vocabulary. “Refrigerated air” became part of our lexicon. Over time we learned from these “technicians” dust and lint found in any home could inhibit airflow around coils of refrigerators and freezers. Special brushes helped clean the lint and restore these appliances to good working condition. Central A/C units often needed this same maintenance procedure.

On our own we knew the effects of refrigeration. We did not understand how it worked until a practitioner/technician helped us understand the process. Seeing things from a different perspective often opened us up to learn ways we were not familiar with and shed notions that really did not fit.

Ernest Goodman writes a blog titled, “Missions Misunderstood.” He is a practitioner, a technician. Ernest has learned an important reality. When it comes to missional and churches partnering relationships matter - a great deal. In fact, after years serving in Western Europe as a missionary, he is convinced the way we (Southern Baptists) do missions (in our churches and mission sending organizations) inherently keeps churches at a safe distance and our missionaries safely accountable to organizational structures rather than the sending churches. You may read Ernest’s thoughts at Missions Misunderstood.

The Edge of the Inside Pt.3

Ever coach? Quite a few years ago I was “drafted” to coach high school girls basketball. Experience? Played a little. Love the game. Still play on occasion. Maybe the Superintendent thought I possessed the right temperament. He did not see my mentor grab me around the neck years before informing me, “I will be the only one getting technical fouls here.” I was the “youth pastor.”

Years later I reflect on that experience. We won our district. We went on to get impaled by a well-oiled machine. We could do nothing to stop the onslaught. Our little band of freshmen and a couple of upperclassmen could not hold up under the barrage. I learned some things about life. I learned some things about the life of a coach.

Only a couple of times have I spoken at a School Board Meeting. On each occasion I remarked the job was thankless. Everyone in the stands can do better. Talent is really not a requisite, “My child will be the next (fill in your favorite hoop star here).” Aside from the fact that basketball takes both talent and sense, every parent believes the next all everything lives in a room in their house. I think my favorite line used was to assert, “I share the experience of a coach, everyone is an expert in my field.” I recently learned a couple of our local coaches will be opting for other vocations. Pressured? Likely.

It is hard for me to be critical of a coach having shared the “inside.” Sure, coaching is about proverbial “x’s” and “o’s.” But coaching is about much more. Sometimes coaches must not only advocate for their players, they must also be critical. The line is fine between the two. Walking that edge is a must.

Pastoring presents the same vocational setting. We advocate for members. We must also be critical from time to time. Some may object to the word critical and replace it with perceptions of judgmental. Really the better word may be critique. We must make honest assessments. On larger scales we must look at how things are or are not working with eyes intent to honesty lest we break the 9th commandment on ourself, and yes even our church. And let’s don’t begin considering our denomination.

Father Rohr helps when he writes,

All of these situations [Jesus wanted searchers more than settlers, prophets more than priests, honest journeys more than gatherings of the so called healthy. He had been taught well by his own Jewish exodus and exile.] are describing the unique and rare position of Biblical prophet - he or she is always on the edge of the inside. Not an outsider throwing rocks, not a comfortable insider who defends the status quo, but one who lives precariously with two perspectives held tightly together - faithful insider and the critical outsider at the same time. Not ensconced safely inside, but not so far outside as to lose compassion and understanding. Like a carpenter’s level, the prophet has to balance the small bubble in the glass between here and there, between yes and no, between loyalty and critique. The prophet must hold these perspectives in a loving and necessary creative tension.

Today it is very difficult to walk that line be you a coach, a parent or a pastor. Too much leaning one direction and the prophetic is jeopardized. Misunderstanding abounds. We live between the tensions of, “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it,” and answering the question, “Do I look good in this dress?” One binds us with silence and the other promotes deceit.

I have made criticisms of “old patterns.” Some have construed this as the pastor has come to some new enlightened position. And accompanying sentiment becomes, “We cannot follow for God has not told us.” I contribute to a blog which people misunderstand the same calls for accountability. Often I and others are told it better to just leave. However, the call is to abide both places - inside and outside - at least for me.

Father Rohr closes his article,

These prophets critiqued Christianity by the very values that they learned from Christianity. Everyone one of these men and women was marginalized, fought, excluded, persecuted, or even killed by the illusions they exposed and the systems they tried to reform. It is the structural fate of the prophet. You can only truly unlock systems from within, but then you are invariably locked out.

When you live on the edge of the inside, you will almost wish you were outside. Then you are merely and enemy, a pagan, a persona non grata, and can be largely ignored or written off. But if you are both inside and outside, you are the ultimate threat, the ultimate reformer, and the ultimate invitation.

My choice of the title for this blog reflects a growing self-awareness of the need and value for the prophetic position helping people understand exodus and exile, grace and mercy, love and forgiveness, and yes, the inside and the outside.

Thanks for reading.

Conversations between Clergy and Educators for Great Public Schools

“Bro. C” loved young people. For a good portion of his life he taught in a public school. He did not teach science, math or English. No, from his classroom on the south side of the “square” layout of Northwest Classen High School in Oklahoma City, Brother Carpenter taught Bible History. He also pastored in Oklahoma City. I sat in Bro. C’s class. It was always full. Some students took the class thinking it would be an easy credit. Others took it understanding no one could quite contextualize Bible History like Bro. C.

Confusion reigns when it comes to religion and religious practices in public schools. Too often I have been told how prayer has been taken out of schools. State sanctioned prayer has been taken out of schools. Voluntary prayer is still permissible. In fact, the local school board sets the agenda on these matters. Generally, their decision reflects the majority opinion of the constituency of the given district. Some make decisions based more on fear of what “might” happen despite support for voluntary prayer.

However, partnering with schools transcends the permissibility of public prayer. Educators and Clergy need to form partnerships as the demands of education, serving a-risk students, helping frazzled parents and hoping to create opportunities that come with a solid education should be the dream of all. Our teachers are often underpaid and under-prepared for the discontinuous change created by the whims of our culture. Clergy are often fearful of lawsuits or worse, negligent to the needs in their own communities. The atmosphere distracts us from the kinds of investments and resources needed to partner for the good of students. Together we could do more than we can apart.

The Oklahoma Education Association supplied with a grant from the National Education Association will sponsor an upcoming conference, “Educators & Clergy, Working Together for Great Public Schools.” Teams from school districts from around Oklahoma and surrounding states will gather in Norman, Oklahoma to initiate conversations around the theme working together for students. We will hear stories from a number of people regarding their particular church’s partnership with local schools.

I have been privileged to serve on the planning team for this event and am excited about the possibilities. In our community we enjoy great relationships with our local schools. Our partnerships run along a number of lines. I hope the dream of the OEA comes to fruition - that these conversations will spur great relationships and conversations for years to come. If you are an educator or clergy within driving distance of Norman, Oklahoma, consider registering for this event set for March 25-26.

Diversity in the Church … Bragging on My Brother

Paul and I have a mutual friend who knows us but not so much. Competition is generally the nature of sibling relationships. Trent, Paul and me could certainly be competitive. Even to this day we feel the twinge whether we are playing golf or angling for the most trout. However, we have learned over the years to be secure in our own skin. We may trade the winner’s cup on the golf course but when it comes to fishing I lose to them both.

Sometimes viewing life with others as a competition regarding who is better gets in the way of valuing the other. We face these battles in our personal, profession and pastoral lives.

One of the fun things has been to share a vocational experience with one of your brothers. I am not sure of the relationship between the Ascol brothers, but Paul and I shared  conversations about theology while in college sharing a summer job. We continued those conversations while in Seminary when Paul lived with us for a couple of  years. With the advent of technology, we generally keep up with one another and our theological musings regularly.

Paul recently offered a series of posts on diversity in the church. Dwight McKissic was so struck by it he asked Paul to make a presentation for a meeting. Word out of the meeting was it was a home run. I am not surprised. Both of my brothers are home runs.

Read Paul’s posts here - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 

An Evening of Worship and Thinking About Waking Up

I met Brian at the very first National Pastor’s Convention in San Diego. Evangelism formed the nexus of his “breakout” during the conference. I can still see the image of the bridge in Central America after a recent hurricane. The photo taken by a National Geographic photographer captured in a photo image what Brian suggested our evangelism efforts had become - a bridge that did not connect people with the Good News. Brian would go on to write More Ready Than You Realize, his description of a way forward with the Good News of Jesus and the Kingdom of God.

Patty and I attended an “Advance” with Len Sweet who invited Brian and Grace to be the special guests. We spent a couple of days on Orcas Island. Beautiful. Thought-provoking. I will not forget Grace wrestling with the profound implications of thinking afresh about what it means to follow Jesus. The emotion was palpable. She voiced what many around the room were both feeling and thinking.

Since that time we have had a number of encounters over the past years since that retreat - Emergent Conventions, Emergent Gatherings, phone calls and e-mails. Despite the baggage that goes with “Emergent” and the regular criticisms, the deep appreciation for Brian’s honest wrestling with how Jesus may be Good News today stirs me more deeply than the rampant misunderstanding and label mongering that follows.

This evening and tomorrow I am in Dallas for Brian’s Everything Must Change Book Tour at Cliff Temple Baptist Church. I read an advance copy. I met Shawn and Nathan this evening, a couple of fellows from Frisco, TX. We enjoyed several planned “conversations” thinking about a segment of the meeting. We talkd about things we agreed with and those we thought may be over-simplifications. After all, those who attend these things are not automatons who hang on every word. Instead we have continued to think long and hard about issues raised and how we might bring the Good News of Jesus to bear on the world and among those with whom we serve.

My friend Ed loves to use the phrase, “money quote.” Well, one of the money quotes that has implications much broader than the context in which the comment came was, “We need to stop sub-contracting our brains to political parties.” Surely you may see where this quote could also go. Too many have been told what to believe - outsourcing as it were their very convictions to those either considered smarter, older, or deader (if that is a word). Contextualization demands we engage today, it is the eternal moment we live in that needs redeeming from ruin and to be found as it is lost - lost in any number of ways.

We were challenged to think what it would take, what action we may consider that would result in personal change. The one thing I am mulling at this late hour is an abandon to the way of Jesus that leads with passion and gentleness and respect. Put another way, thinking about the implications of Philip Yancey’s, The Jesus I Never Knew, and what Paul told me is that same theme on steroids in Wright’s The Challenge of Jesus, it is time to help people see more than a caricature of Jesus. More than what one Damah Film submittal referred to as, “The White American Jesus.” Leading in this vein will not come without a personal commitment to an abandonment to the way of Jesus that transcends the cultural box, or sub-cultural box, in which Jesus often seems trapped.

For those concerned by this post, this is not the place where the slippery slope gets me. It is not the place to suggest an abandonment of orthodoxy. Rather, it is a re-affirmation that to maintain orthodoxy without right practice is a hollow game leading people away from the transformative work of the Triune God. A game I gave up long ago.

The Edge of the Inside … Pt. 1

“What’s in a name?” The wise Solomon suggested, “a good name is to be chosen above riches.” Most muse about the meaning of their name at one point or another. Parents fret over what to name their children and will often refer to books that give the meanings of common names. On my recent trip to Spain I met a couple. The wife’s father happened on a name while walking through a cemetery. There on a gravestone he thought he read the name, “Mentanna.” Years later they walked through that same cemetery and discovered the name was, “Mentaha.” Rather than feel bashful about her name, Mentanna wears the name with great pride.

In the first iteration of my blog I chose the title, “Just Todd.” My friend Mark had titled his first blog, “Just Mark.” Flattery is a compliment. I asked Mark if he minded if I used his idea. Over the past number of years I have used a variety of platforms - Blogger, Typepad and now Wordpress. Last summer I thought it time to re-work the blog. My friend David helped set up the new digs. In the process it was time for a new title.

A couple of years ago I was privileged to meet Father Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest. We had dinner in New Mexico. We toured the Center for Action and Contemplation he founded in Albuquerque. One of the newsletters I picked up to read contained an article by Father Rohr titled, “The Edge of the Inside: The Prophetic Position.” Thoughts of a prophetic position for the pastor of a local church resonated with me. I found the name for the new iteration of my blog.

What is the “edge?” Father Rohr suggests it is liminal space. The space he describes is one where we are moving from old ways of thinking to new ways, the place toward holiness. He notes,

To take your position on the spiritual edge of things is to learn how to move safely in and out, back and forth, across and return. It is a prophetic position, not a rebellious or antisocial one. When you live on the edge of anything with respect and honor, you are in a very auspicious position. You are free from its central seduction, but also free to hear its core message in very new and creative ways. When you  are at the center of something, you usually confuse the essentials with the non-essentials, and get tied down by trivia, loyalty tests, and job security, Not much can happen there.

Leading a local church should always leave us looking for the space where we may help others move toward holiness.

More in Pt. 2

Barcelona from the Street

Perspective is everything. Once upon a time I hoped for a career in architecture. Coming to Barcelona and seeing some of the world’s finest architectural features and hearing of strategic city planning for growth brought back memories. In high school we prepared a “perspective” drawing of our dream house. Each horizontal line found a relationship to a particular point or series of points on a vertical line. The reference point served as an “anchor” point from which the structure would be viewed.

I have taken quite a few pictures and would love to take hundreds more. I have shot taken from a cafe atop a massive department store where one may see the structures built to host the 1992 Summer Olympics. In another I am standing on the ground trying to take in the massive cathedral begun by Gaudi. Interesting side note - it is easy to see where we get “gaudy.”

For the last few days I noted pictures taken from the window of our hotel room as well as from the ground. The small photo in this post is from the street - one of the most trafficked streets in Barcelona. Each of the photos I have taken while from my camera are all taken from different perspectives; that is, different locations shooting the same thing.

It is easy to think that because of what I may read on the internet or in travel books I “get” Barcelona. However, there is something missing. I cannot get the feel without being on the “street.” I am grateful for a group of new friends who call this city home. They get the vibe. They understand the city from the street. No amount of reading can possibly replace such a view. For a couple of days they took us to the streets. Cafes, restaurants, alleys and streets became the means by which we would get a glimpse and hopeful grasp of just what kind of place is this historic city.

One thought keeps returning to me. What kind of presumptive people are we who pretend to know the plight of another from any other perspective other than the street. It is where life happens. For my life as a pastor is often laden with occasions to be on the street. If I should think I could grasp another from a travelogue or photoblog I make a tragic mistake. The view from the street is a “with” view.

When I think of the life of Jesus, I cannot help but think of life on the “street.” He gave us the “with” view. We who follow Jesus need the with view. Herein is the lesson we learn from those who give their lives to learn the “streets” of others to bring grace and hope.

Thanks friends. I have learned much.

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