Relating someone else’s story may rob the impact of the story and simply trivialize the experience. We tend to hear stories, analyze them and make suggestions as to what we would do to make it better. Such attempts leave the pained to wrestle with her or his pain. Unwittingly we compound the circumstance when we apply conventional wisdom and not spiritual realities – sometimes pain does not go away.
An excerpt worth reading, (maybe you would dare to read the book)
“the deeper the vulnerability, the deeper the fear. the more i let people into my little world, the more i am exposed, the more danger lurks behind every face. as hidden parts reveal, as the silence finds a voice, there are suddenly immense and incalculable repercussions, consequences beyond even my own understanding.
my whole life has been a quest for love.
my longing is insatiable. i have given up on myself to feel love before, to pretend to feel it. i have sold my integrity for the fleeting illusion. i have prayed the sinner’s prayer, declared the four spiritual laws, asked jesus into my heart with fierce desperation. love me, love me, love me, let me know.
there is a bottomless chasm in me where love falls in and disappears. if is given to me, pure and without agenda, i disbelieve it. i talk it away, i cut it out of me, i make a thousand excuses for why i am unlovable, why they really didn;t mean it. if is is a gimmick, given in order to get, it is like my father. it feels familiar, but it doesn’t fill me up, it doesn’t feel like love, like what i want, like what i really need.
there is nothing in me for loe to latch on to.
there is no place for me to hold it – it falls through my fingers, it slips through my soul, it passes through me. i am ashamed. i feel guilty for my disbelief, for my fear, for my thirty thousand doubts, the lingering questions. inside me is my father’s never-ending mantra: you will never be LOVED. you will NEVER be love. YOU will never be loved.” (Stumbling Toward Faith,p.113)